OFFICE HOURS

"A briskly paced and extremely funny dark comedy. The audience was almost on the floor in tears." -- Calgary Sun


 

  Office Hours takes place in six different city offices at approximately the same time on a Friday afternoon, and the stories that take place in each of these offices are cleverly intertwined. Act Two opens with "The Visit."
   
  ACT TWO
 

THE VISIT
   
  Time: The present.
  Place: The office of lawyer Richard Penny.
   
  AS THE SCENE OPENS, RICHARD SITS AT HIS DESK. HE IS TALKING ON THE PHONE.
   
RICHARD: Well, hopefully my meeting won't last too long. I should be at your place by five-thirty......Mmmm I can't wait. Have the wine chilling and the Sinatra playing....Oh, listen, I could sure use one of your fabulous back rubs tonight....Good. I've got some tension knots like you wouldn't believe.....Well, you do mine, and I'll do yours.
(THE OFFICE DOOR OPENS AND RHONDA AND LLOYD PENNY ENTER. RHONDA CARRIES A PICNIC BASKET.)
RHONDA: Hello, Counselor. Mind if we come in?
(THEY ENTER AND CLOSE THE DOOR.)
RICHARD: (TO THE PHONE.) I've gotta go....Yeah, see you then. (HE HANGS UP THE PHONE.) Mom, Dad, what are you doing here?
RHONDA: We brought lunch. Ooh, look at this office, Lloyd. Is this the office of a big wheel lawyer or what?
LLOYD: Very nice, Ricky.
RICHARD: Mom, it's three-thirty. I've already had lunch.
RHONDA: Well, so, you'll have some more. You're too thin anyway.
LLOYD: It's lobster.
RICHARD: Lobster? You brought lobster?
RHONDA: McLobster. Your father insisted.
LLOYD: I happen to like McLobster.
RHONDA: I brought some vegetables and a cold plate for us, Richard.
RICHARD: Mom, really, I don't have time. I have a meeting. And how did you get by my secretary?
RHONDA: I told her I was your mother. She sent us right in. It's a woman thing. She's rather trampy-looking, isn't she?
RICHARD: Who, Tammy?
RHONDA: Tammy? Well, say no more. Lloyd, are you going to sit?
LLOYD: I'm looking at the office. Very nice, Ricky. And so tidy.
RHONDA: Well, Richard always was the neat one of the two boys, weren't you dear?
RICHARD: Sure. Mom, listen to me...
RHONDA: Listen nothing. You've been in this office for almost a year now and you haven't invited us to see it once. So, we're smashing.
RICHARD: Crashing.
RHONDA: Whatever. Now, sit down and have some food. Your meeting can wait twenty minutes.
RICHARD: Mom....
RHONDA: Sit.
RICHARD: All right, but just twenty minutes. That's it.
RHONDA: Right, twenty minutes. We'll wolf our food down, give ourselves heartburn and be on our way.
LLOYD: (NOT LISTENING. HE NOTICES RICHARD'S WEEK-AT-A-GLANCE.) Nice week-at-a-glance, Ricky. Mmm, leather bound. Where'd ya get it?
RICHARD: Tammy gave it to me.
LLOYD: Nice. Oh, and what's this? (PICKS UP A BOOK.) Margaux Kenyon, huh?
RHONDA: Since when did you start reading filth, Richard? Since you moved downtown?
RICHARD: I'm negotiating the movie rights for a client, Mom, that's all.
RHONDA: Oh.
RICHARD: So how are you both? What's new, Dad?
LLOYD: Saw a horse die at the track a couple of weeks ago. Terrible thing. Heart attack. Went down like he was polaxed.
RHONDA: (UNPACKING THE BASKET.) Have you got any glasses, dear? I brought orangeade.
RICHARD: Glasses? Uh, yeah. (HE GETS UP AND GETS THE GLASSES.)
LLOYD: Don't get one for me, Ricky. That stuff gives me gas?
RHONDA: Everything gives you gas.
LLOYD: Well, this stuff especially. All that pulp.
RHONDA: What pulp? There's no pulp in orangeade.
LLOYD: There's pulp. Believe me.
RHONDA: It's made from crystals
LLOYD: Right. Pulp crystals. So, did ya hear, Ricky? They're putting pants on the statue of Cupid.
RHONDA: Not pants, Lloyd. A loin cloth. And it's about time they put something on him. It's rude, him standing there with his willy hanging out like that.
LLOYD: It's Cupid, Rhonda. Hanging is an overstatement.
   
  copyright 1996 Norm Foster